I never expected things to stay the same, but I also didn't expect them to change so dramatically. It's like you suddenly wake up one morning and nothing has remained constant, you've known the whole time that things were changing, but it's only jsut now really hit you what's been going on. That little voice in the back your head was sometimes whispering and sometimes shouting it's concerns. However, you didn't listen to that little voice because your whole life you've been told that change is good, like a holiday really. Yet, if that's true then why is it so scary?
I like to think I am a spontaneous person, I jump in, take action and think about it later. Maybe that's my problem, the thinking part. I over analyse,over internalise, make myself feel bad and then spend the next few hours/days/months thinking up ways I could have avoided the situation. Forever attempting to change my own thoughts. Change is good, or it can be at least, maybe that's the point, you have to take a risk, chance it and hope that the change you make is for the best. I think that my change is good, I feel that it ,so far was the right decision to make. But because change is like life; a dynamic force, only time will tell if it will always be so.
I found out today that one of my friends has just gotten engaged. I am truly happy for her, though have to admit I have a weird sensation running through me. Again life is changing, people are changing and growing, it's strange there are things people say that they don't realise will change in the future. This friend of mine said that she could never get married, could never see herself with one man, yet she has found that one man who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I'm not jealous, I am in love with a man also, one I know I could marry one day. This also is something I never expected to happen, to meet someone who can literally take your breath away. I admit I have never been weak at the knees, but I have never felt the onslaught of emotions that this one man can make me feel, both good and bad.
What fascinates me is that I know I would not give up the bad only to have the good, strange I think, but true. No-one can make me feel as good, happy and complete as he can, yet also no-one can make me feel like my heart is breaking. We laugh and we live, we give and we take. We try and when we make a mistake we sometimes fight, we cry, we talk, we scream, but most of all we love. That's the biggest change I have ever made, I gave someone my heart and got theirs in return. I changed surviving on my own into surviving for us. I'm not saying you have to be with someone to be happy, not at all. Just that change is needed in life. So my advice, don't think, don't analyse, just do. You may not even know it is happening, but suddenly you'll wake up and everything will have changed. It's up to you which way.